The truth is this. I am trying to create some kind of a ‘masterpiece’, one way or another, while my mind… sinks again and again and again inside of this OCD onslaught. This utter OCD bullshit for what it is absolutely worth. I am trying to look after Mom and Dad and to do all that I can in as normal-minded a way as I possibly can. It’s too hard a lot of the time, and I just… wanna get to a place mentally where I can really start to feel… that… nothing else needs to be done with this mental-illness whatsoever except of course to just let it be there to its hazardous core. I don’t throw in the towel because I do get the feeling that what I do manage to achieve in living with this thing is rather… wonderful in its own right. Even if even I cannot see such a thing to be the case. To be honest, I don’t even know what it would mean to throw in the towel. I just wanna… remember memories for the memories that they all are and to not have a friend calling over to my house randomly when my mind is mid-petrification. Twilight-Zone shit, is what that feels like. A million times over. God knows what they think of it all – my friends. Not my problem, though. That’s what I want, what I’ve needed for such a very long time. A mind that isn’t in a mental headlock one dwindling way or another. But to get to it is proving downright as impossible as it ever did, really. So what to do differently then? Hmm… how about I go all in in just… letting my frazzled brain… right where it is? I do do that though. I do do all of the above times a thousand. Literally times a million. So what is the problem that still persists? Well, yeah… a mind-bogglingly profound mental-illness is what persists, for sure. And I truly cannot help what that entails, from start to middle to finish, it seems. Yeah, this disaster of the mind has always needed to be as respected and nurtured as humanly possible, I know that much to be true. Always have tried to do such a thing. Stay strong, stay… mother-bloody sane. Stay… dutiful to yourself ALL OF THE TIME. Even when the odds are stacked. Because, guess what, buddy? I can tell you this much for free, that they are in-fact mother-bloody utterly stacked TA-FUUUUUUUUCK!!! And then some… . And keep on scribbling ‘til the end of everything, yeah? Please do because that, my boy, is in-fact your calling card, whether you get to see it or not for yourself a whole lot of the time. Keep being you to the truthful core… and then some. Because that in itself is one helluva task to have to adhere to. And I do know above many else a thing that that is something I have learned to fall in-love with in its own right, the part where I do in fact have OCD and I continue on with it plus much, much more atop of all of that ❤️