There are moments when, well, it is just so very habitual in you, the ocd, I mean, that you really cannot just hope for it to… f*ck-off, basically. There’s no comparing it to anything anymore. Just this… thought that… What in the name of Christ is this particular thing?! If you have feared nearly every possible angle of catastrophe occurring in your life, how on earth are you ever even supposed to learn to simply know what a normal fear for any one person is. What your normal fears might even work off of, in fact? I mean.. do you actually end up pretending that it feels excruciating, even if you are so extremely AND excruciatingly prepared on a mental level for literally the worst case outcome in the world to happen, there’s this… could you call it a danger maybe, of actually becoming somewhat… robotic in your reaction? You’ve done everything. You’ve basically very nearly settled an imbalance so harsh and complex and at the centre-point of your brain that.. literally NOTHING ACTUALLY REALLY CAN MANAGE TO WORRY YOU ANYMORE. You’re built differently, absolutely you are. Cannot but be. I’d be interested to know of any ocd sufferer’s who have incurred this particular feeling with the disorder 😃 Yeah, I’m on it. But my having to take baby steps with this whole thing, while I respect the whole necessary-when-necessary process and all that one hundred percent, is fairly akin to asking… 🤔 a professional basketball player to always miss the hoop on purpose. To just miss, miss, miss the hoop. Until they feel… normal. Then they might get to score. There is no real sense to it. Or maybe like as if the hoop keeps getting missed with regards a mental instance of comparison. I dunno. The comparisons are always ending up rather pedestrian and silly and wildly off the mark altogether. It really is so hard when it feels even realer than real. Your decision making has been utterly hot-wired and left all up in the air. Like a hot air balloon filled with bullshit that should never have left the ground in the first place. And there you are, tasked with trying to burst what’s utterly illogical. I.E. IT DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST 😌