It is arguably… perhaps far easier for a world-renowned professional sniper to be extremely successful over a long period of time whilst also managing to elude ever being captured than it is, say, for a person who suffers with the mental illness/disorder called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to… not have its mind-mapping and -trapping imbalance as well as its additional mind-crucifying themes, etc. etc. ruling and, what is more, ruining their lives. And there are CERTAINLY far more frequent blow-by-blow moments of mind-crushing fear with regards the latter of the two comparisons. Mentally speaking, that is. It is just the truth as I see and feel it. My comparison in this particular instance is owing to having watched quite a few episodes of The Day of the Jackal with Eddie Redmayne recently. An AMAZING show by the way! But even if I know deep-down that the theme and its… mind-boggling utter need for inexplicable symmetry which, for some unknown reason entirely, attaches itself to it with time and over-eager… rumination on the sufferer’s part, is illogical in all its nuanced ways then why do I not get to, let’s say, wrestle this thing to the ground once and for all? And by that I mean literally never quite ending-up entertaining it to the point of, time-again and moment-by-moment usually, paralysing levels of mental… shock and fear, etc. etc. I mean, I know where it takes me every single time it is happening – quite possibly from start to finish. Know how to face every single situation as ERP(EXPOSURE RESPONSE PREVENTION) if that’s what it needs to be, but it still looms… … and fairly bloody heavily. I do believe that the medication I’ve been prescribed over the space of the last, I dunno exactly.. let’s say… decade has, and does, and will continue to work, but I also think that my brain (and mind) are so very engrained with all of these crazy needs for instant ERP, really, so as to calm that brain as well as I can do that I am literally almost able to let it there and continue on without getting bogged-down too much until, well, I find myself being so all over again. That I, therefore, really cannot trust my brain to be A) okay in its own right and working off of its own bat, and B) I cannot rely on anything all that steadfast, really, other than the aforementioned things we as sufferers have been taught in so far as just letting the imbalance be there and letting the rest, please fucking God, and I really mean that, just… continue on the way a normal-working brain would do. I work hard to experience and feel that last part every single day and with every single inch of my being ❤️