The truth is that maybe it is too difficult for me to live comfortably enough in my mind with the OCD. I can’t explain it. I’ve done all of this, I’ve told Dad precisely what it does to my brain and mind, and he gets it in so far as it’s an horrendous imbalance wherein all of the themes it grasps onto are incredibly complex for some reason to get away from. I do it all. Everything. Everyday. But none of the time feels like spare time to me, even though I can’t actually work and should have all of the time in the world really, and I can’t actually think in a straight-line. That the most important part in all of this. And all these notes ever do is just show how effed-up the mental disorder that is OCD really all of it is. We don’t get to know what real feels like, us sufferers of OCD. Instead being forced by our brains to live up inside of our head with all of these never-ending “what-ifs” and futile attempts at trying to settle a false alarm happening. Just walked Joey, Monday lunchtime. I’ve done it all a million times. The exposures, everything that I can manage to handle, really. But the real me. Or at least the me unperturbed by the chemical imbalance to such a large extent. How will I ever get to that? ‘Cos, no, I’m not there, even when it might seem to others like I am, or might be. I keep fighting. I keep on keeping on, and I keep… trying to get to Brian minus the OCD imbalance, or at least the Brian who isn’t totally taken to mental pieces by it 😊 I’ve been there, and I will indeed get ‘there’ again – and nobody understands what ‘there’ actually means more than a sufferer of OCD 😊 And if you must fall to gain wings, as a certain lyric goes in a certain song, then my wings must be mother fucking BEHEMOTH!! I just so wish I could finally get to enjoy the view from above whilst I scribble away to my heart’s content ❤️