If, as sufferers of OCD, we end up being the only ones believing wholeheartedly, albeit to an imbalanced extent, that all of this mental ruminating is how it’s supposed to be, that we are right to be stuck in these ruminating spin-cycles so as to eventually manage at stopping ourselves from ending up stuck, in that we are literally being tricked by the imbalance into believing, time again, that we need to calm the false anxiety down that won’t stop anyway, what are we left with to do to help ourselves… be okay? And by okay I mean not being dragged mentally under and left utterly agonised in our ruminating in search of… that elusive calm which our minds do not appear to have in the first unbelievably necessary place. What I mean is that, if we are the only ones who end up trying so damn hard inside of our heads only to never get out the other side of it all mentally, and that our loved ones will always only ever see it for the disorder that it is and that that is as well as they are ever going to be capable at trying to comprehend it, all that I can see we have the option of doing is… not entertaining it. Not entertaining a brain’s outlandish imbalance that is nonstop. That is informing us entirely of disaster occurring if we do not stop it. In fact, it’s more than that, I believe. As in the disaster IS actually happening within any given moment of the non-stop ruminating happening. Disaster in so far as our minds are concerned anyway. And all of this while… the world is happening around us… . And even when it’s not non-stop, owing to medication, owing to whatever amount of exposing ourselves to all of everything that we need to do to try and get ourselves and our minds to some semblance of a mental balance, we tend to inevitably anyway end up searching for an error happening that way, too, because it is all that we know, all that our minds have been fed for so very long by our imbalanced brains. And we do this. All of it. All of the exposures a million times. And as for the fallout with it all? I supposed it will just be like anyone else’s, really, only that our minds are being dragged asunder during all of the moments before, during, and after said fallout which, of course, is a physical occurrence in that that’s all anyone else can witness, see, acknowledge. What I mean is the fall-out will happen in a physical instance anyway, in that, well, it might end up meaning an individual being irreversibly bed-ridden for a long time, unable to work, arguments with loved-ones, etc., but our brains will be struck in a cycle of outlandish fear and rumination way before, during, and after any of these visual occurrences in so far as other people count in the whole mix of an OCD sufferer’s life. I’ve done all that I can. And will continue to do all that I can. Because deep, deep, DEEP down I do understand, possibly way, way, WAAAAAAAAY more than someone who has had OCD for as long and as chronically as I have had it for should still be able to understand it. That is because I do do everything to try and live as well as humanly possible with this great affliction of the brain. But no-one sees that. And that would be fine only that it can take up to… yeah, 100% of my mind’s time, most of the time to stay afloat, let alone thrive, and maybe that level of mental resolve should be acknowledged. Maybe I need to acknowledge it more, for myself than anyone else. But neither can I acknowledge it most of the time as I’m the one being dragged around by it in the first place 😊 I don’t know how I am actually able to still have such a good outlook with things, even when I have this disorder interrupting almost everything. And that freaks me out too. How I am able not to be totally upended by my OCD time again. And by upended I mean… giving up entirely. I won’t and I can’t. Ever. I don’t look for anything other than being the same person who, since he was a child, has been fighting to survive. And after that, aside from that, even, I can take whatever comes my way, so long as my brain isn’t too OCD addled.