It’s difficult. Of course it is. And, to be honest, it really cannot remain even this level of difficult. As though, one rumination deep, and I’m ‘stuck’ again. It’s frightful, we all know that part the most. However, what boggles me now is, how on Earth am I supposed to adapt to my improving my level of OCD, which I am wholly attempting to silence, that being the absolute main thing, the MAIN aim here, of course, whilst also… trying to learn what it is actually normal to be anxious about? That’s scary, too. But I have OCD, cripplingly so, and have had for a very, very long time, and it scares me so very much just how hard it has been to handle my chronic case. I’m diagnosed. I’m prescribed a very high-dose of medication by my doctor. I do everything by the book. I really do all that I can. And, still, it feels much too like all of my thoughts, and I mean ALL OF THEM, are puppeteered by OCD. It’s all fallen into that mental and sickeningly cYcLicAl state of anguish in my brain. I need to adapt, and to adapt, what I will need to do is the same as I’ve always thought what to do with the OCD – just let the imbalance search for problems. I cannot, though, watch it all of the rest of my life doing just that thing. The crippling mental pain of it all. The fallout of mind that only I can feel it happening. The REAL belief that what I am thinking WILL automatically occur, if I do not find a solution. This has been the same for… 28-years of my life now. The same wish to cease the OCD. What I have done with it in my way is, quite honestly… I can’t believe it. Truly, I cannot understand how I managed to hang in there all of that time. But hanging in there doesn’t mean that the pain didn’t hang in there too. Mine all relatively invisible to the naked-eye because, well, it’s happening in my head and all of the time, really. In my brain, in my thoughts. How might a person pull the scribbles out of all of this, is another wondering, I’m sure. Well… by never giving-in even when my brain is actually giving-in to the rumination’s nearly all of the time, just at different levels of anguish depending on the length and weight of the aforementioned rumination/s. I cannot figure it out anymore. No sufferer can. It’s disgusting and wrong and what we have to deal with(OCD-sufferers) is, perhaps, one of the most inexplicably unruly and mind-breaking mental-illnesses out there. However, I am not here to compare. Each individual to their own mind, please, and thank you. And good luck 😊 Although, I have another question. How on earth can you be simultaneously petrified and humorous and happy and loving at the exact same time, one might wonder? HELL!! I wonder. Well… I guess, by knowing deep, deep down that it’s a mental imbalance, and by knowing that it’s all been a terrible waste of energy and time in my life. That’s it. Another post with another day of OCD. I want to deal with this thing because, I know it worries my family too, my friends. My girlfriend, maybe even. Heck, I dunno what people are thinking and neither is it any of my business. All I want to do, is analyse what certain people and artists do, why they might NEED to do it, and to scribble about it to my heart’s content. I need to be much better going forward with this thing, though. That’s the bottom line 😊 Soccer tonight. Gonna try and score a cracker of a Leftie For Ross(and Bax!!) Cos, truth told, they got my heart 💓 But, most probably, a lot of the game will be me trying to celebrate a goal, for example, whilst also simultaneously asking my brain to leave me alone, please. I’ll also try and think of real stuff, such as my dear friend Alison. RIP SUPERSTAR xxxxxxx
Home » Humour » When you need to hold back a mental storm so very exceedingly strong that it really does feel often IMPOSSIBLE.
- Cardboard Cutouts.
- The Good People of Professional Pragmatism: They DO MATTER and MaybeThe MOST
- -training forWarWhenTheOutside IsActually All~warm
- – Believing the hYPe.
- Her AlTeReD hours
- Just Machines? “Far-reaching And FabulousMachines, Perhaps.”
- That Thirst for Awareness.
- Staking Their Claim Over Everything.
- The Great Escape . Embellished and Embroidered – “it’s a remarkable story of utter.. Resilience.”
- -free from Desire.
- Theatre of Undeniable .. hindsight . And Happening. they’ve had their fingers in enough pies by now… to really know the difference..
- Polished~to~IMperfection. “There’s This State~Of~Stare Inside Of Them Which Seems To Make Absurdly OtherWorldly SenSe oF ItSelF.”
- “Touching Paradise with a Gun to their Heads. Only All Of The Bullets Are Duds.”
- Shredding the Evidence.
- Unearthing the gold amidst OverTheSHOULDER iNsAnItY.
- ‘Un~Usual(!!) CuRiOsItIeS’
- Striking a Deal With Dostoyevsky. A Bluff IS A Blue-powder Bluff
- CrEaTiNg —->>>Conscientious CONsiderations.
- ColdTurkeyCoNtRaRiAnS – “when what we do is.. Beyond me and You(..)”
- Thinking about the cREatIVe Schism of Consequences.
- Her Graphic Design Eyes. “What If We Told Her That She Designed Kinship: one of a KIND.”
- Stirring the CauldronAgain.
- Sweeping Away At The Insides Of Their Vaguely Disinterested Minds.
- Learning to feel and be Balanced
- The Nature of Being BOTH cRiPpLinGlY&EXCRUCIATINGLY Kind to Themselves At the Same Time. A reflection called Complete Creation . that combination of class and insignificant intelligence . even if: their sweat~beads are Rigorously real . and HIDDEN beneath a surface of Steely~Faced Determination// Such Is The Intensity Of The Dust Being Scraped From A Butterfly’s Wing
- TALLorders Of AMOST ScintillatingSort.
- Borrowing Words And Causing Syllables To WorryThemselves Silly
- -Searching for Antiquity.
- Dropping in on #paradise . Welcome to the Silence that Burst Its own EarDrums
- Sweetening the Pot.
- Poised Breaths. Beautiful Creatures With Forever Features. “One Of Few, Too Many Of A Million.”
- “Terrified, Mortified, Petrified. STUPEFIED: by you.” Quote from A Beautiful Mind.
- Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you THE greatest, most misshapenly puppeteering-of-brain: Obsessive compulsive Disorder.
“They will crawl tHrOuGh enough barbWIRED ANd BoRiNg TiTlES… … …
tO GeT Back To something Resembling the BEST.”
- Keyhole: ”World!!”
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